So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
