9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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