i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
