Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
