This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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