i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
