I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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