Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
