Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sext me about skeletons
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
