NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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