she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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