i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
