Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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