Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize