This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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