I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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