i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
