I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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