is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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