We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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