I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
