I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
