I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
