When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
