don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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