There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
