The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
