she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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