redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
