My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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