I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
