Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
