So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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