i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
