wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
