Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
