dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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