How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
