I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
