I will die if light touches me.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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