Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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