I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
