Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
