if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
