So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
