You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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