You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We got so high we made milksteak
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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