Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
