i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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