the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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