I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
